Never once, during my teenage years, I thought my skin looked gross or that it needed a lot of coverage to make it look smooth and without any imperfections.
But of course, just like most things, I never appreciated how nice my skin looked until I got acne and realised I should have been so thankful for it before.
Going into your 20s is never easy, but I had to do it with a face full of acne – something that I had never experienced before in my entire life.
I met with different doctors, got told different things. I got prescribed creams, tablets, been told to try different moisturisers and face masks. Trust me – I pretty much tried everything that was on the market.
Unfortunately nothing seemed to be working, my skin started to look patchy and red. It was uneven and my scars were so horrible they made me want to cry every time I had to look at myself in the mirror.
I went through a fase of only using natural products – I was convinced that I could cure acne just by using organic foundation and coconut oil. That maybe it wasn't acne after all, maybe I was just allergic to some of the products I put on my face.
It got so bad at one point that I started hiding in my bedroom, never wanting to go out with people. I remember feeling horrible and disgusting.
Hating my face and the way I looked played a lot on my self-confidence to the point where I refused to go out for 5 minutes without make-up. I started to hate taking photos – one of my biggest passions.
One day I realised I hit rock bottom and that all the natural products I was using were not my friends: that was the day I got prescribed really strong antibiotics.
Looking back at it now, I am extremely glad I had a great dermatologist I could talk to. I am glad I decided to take antibiotics and ditch stupid face products that promised great things and did little to nothing.
Unfortunately, my acne is not 100% cured. I still get regular and very painful spots that eventually turn into scars leaving a red mark on my face. I still want to wear makeup and cover my skin because I feel embarrassed and hate the way it looks. And, to be quite honest with you, my self-confidence is not looking great either.
But, despite all this, I know I'm on the right track. Not a day goes by without me looking at myself in the mirror and trying to see the positive in all those dots: two years ago my skin looked much, much worse than it does today and that is the sort of motivation I need if I want to get better.
Healing takes time. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen overnight. As much as I wish my face looked different, I have to accept that it is in fact getting better – and that my self-confidence will eventually follow.
I am now striking for progress and I know confidence will follow.
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