I've got a confession to make, I am not well.
I think sometimes my brain decides panic attacks, anxiety and sadness are exactly what I need. And I think my body doesn't agree with it and tries to fight it.
I don't know how to fight it this time. I don't know what's wrong with me or why this time around I'm struggling so much.
What people don't understand is that not everyone will share their feelings. Depression, anxiety, they're not visible. You can't see them, you can't touch them, but you can feel them. You feel them so much it hurts.
And there's gonna be people who won't understand. There's gonna be people saying all you need to do is 'snap out of it' and everything will be okay. There's gonna be people telling you to smile more and maybe stop looking always so miserable. There's gonna be people who think depression is no different from being sad.
I met people who thought anxiety and panic attacks were not real, that they were not a thing. They told me I should stop being so anxious, I should control my breathing and stop making a scene.
I have been forced to act natural during my panic attacks, I've been shouted at and laughed at.
I am not well and I want the world to know. I am not well and I am okay with it.
I am trying so hard not to give up on everything, I am trying not to shut people out. I am trying to understand my feelings and emotions.
I try so hard, every day, yet sometimes I still wonder why I bother. I still sometimes think everything I'm doing is pointless.
I still judge myself for not being perfect, not being good enough, not looking a certain way. I still think I'm useless most of the time.
I am still struggling, but I want you to know I'm trying. I am trying to get through this.
And what I want you to understand is that people might not be willing to share what they're feeling. I beg you to be gentle and nice to everyone. No one should be treated they way people treated me in the past, no one should feel judged or apologise for what they feel.
Please be gentle. Please don't be an asshole.
And please, be considerate and aware of the people around you. Just treat them the way you would want to be treated if you had a problem.
Don't ignore someone who needs your help, they're not hopeless, they just need someone they can trust.
Thank you for taking the time to read what I had to say. And remember that today is World Mental Health Day. Go out there and hug someone who needs it.
Alice
0 comments:
Post a Comment